Leadership Myths Debunked: It's Personal, Not Just Business

“Growing Your Business with People” is a podcast dedicated to CEOs and other business leaders who are looking to grow their business with their biggest and most important investment - people. Host Jeff Lackey interviews industry innovators, business leaders, and technical subject matter experts who offer valuable insights and practical (even prescriptive) advice that is actionable.

In a world where leadership rhetoric often veers towards the impersonal and procedural, our exploration on the podcast invites a paradigm shift. We, Amit and Kumar, delve into the core of leadership myths, the science of human behavior with the art of business.

Myth #1: It’s not personal. It's just business.

The oft-repeated mantra, "It's not personal, it's just business," is a misleading directive that masks the complex human emotions at play in leadership scenarios. Our discussion challenges this notion, advocating for a leadership approach that acknowledges and embraces the personal dimensions of business interactions. 

When it comes to difficult or crucial conversations, leaders are often taught to disassociate themselves from their emotions, their feelings of the situation through that phrase. However, failing to consider the emotion creates a barrier to the employee who's actually receiving the news where it’s a termination, poor performance review, a transfer demotion, or critical feedback. 

But the fact is, business is always personal. And interestingly, it's personal not just for the recipient of a message, but for the deliverer too. And so often, leaders hide their own fears, own challenges, own worries behind that phrase. The mask that leaders sometimes feel that they ought to wear is a significant interrupter of their own vision and hinders their communication. The masks we wear interfere with authentic communication. Yet so many of us, including so many owners, invest so much time and effort trying to be someone else. 

How can we be loved for who we are when we are afraid to be ourselves? And why is it so difficult for those leaders to deliver those tough messages? 

Well, first, let's explore why it might be so challenging in the first place and how the golden rule, as commonly stated: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, might just get in the way.

Many leaders would rather not be reprimanded making it challenging to do the same to others.

They then project that ‘no reprimand’ on to their employees although the mounting consequences of the failure of the feedback loop are much more challenging to solve.

There is a phrase we like to use: seek challenge, attract support, seek support, attract challenge. The people who run away from problems seem to be unable to escape, and those who embrace that being a leader involves giving both praise and reprimand are the ones who end up most respected by their people. Employees want a leader who is honest, and who is also fair and balanced. Employees thrive most when they get both praise and reprimand.

Myth #2: Leaders are People Too. 

Contrary to the belief that leaders are detached entities, we argue that they are very much part of the human fabric of any organization. Investing in oneself as a leader is as crucial as investing in the team. If you as a leader are people, then you are actually part of the people equation. This means that if you're committed to investing in people (your biggest and most important investment), then that includes investing in yourself.

There are only two flavors of people problems: those that occur within the leader themselves and those problems that occur dealing with others.

How many times have you heard a leader say about themselves? I know what to do, but I can't make myself just do it.

Here are some of the most common reasons for not sticking with the program. First, it's not your program. For example, how many kids find themselves at the helm of a family business they never wanted? How many CEOs find themselves supposedly taking on the founder's vision? How many managers find themselves in the position of turning spirit into matter, vision, and reality when it's not their program?

Second, it would be wise for those at the helm of a charge to see how that mattered to them. There is abundant evidence of how quickly the effects of carrots and sticks wear off. Within us, animals work to achieve carrots and work to avoid sticks. And yet we know there is something more that calls us. We know that there is something greater that can keep us going in the face of challenge, that reason, that purpose, that you can embrace pain and pleasure equally, where we persist in the face of challenge.

The author of the book, “Grit” presents grit as the intersection of passion and perseverance. They use the popular term of passion here where we might use inspiration but the argument is the same. What we are talking about here is: What is the motivation? What is creating that calling that isn't just enough for a day, but is enough to last a week, a month, a year, a lifetime.

What we are really talking about is how intrinsically connected those people are to that purpose.

We've learned that it typically isn't enough to listen to what leaders say. It is much more reliable to look at what their life demonstrates. We’ve all met a leader or employee who says their kids or their family is most important to them and barely remembers their names. We help our clients search for what it is that pulls them, we look at what is happening in their lives. It’s about being pulled versus pushing uphill. 

You have heard the story of Sisyphus pushing a boulder up the hill and how heavy it seems and how perhaps sometimes pointless it might seem, but contrast that with the following: What if that boulder was infinitely more massive? What if that boulder were as heavy as a star? And what if that star was pulling you up? Much like gravity pulls that boulder down. What if that star were pulling you? We call that your North Star. And each of us has a North Star pulling us up.

If we'd only stop long enough to notice. That star doesn't need the permission of anyone else to pull. The star just pulls the same way that the sun just shines. The sun doesn't ask our permission to shine. The sun doesn't depend on our gratitude to shine. It just does. And our North star doesn’t ask our permission to pull us forward, it just beckons. If we are humble enough to notice.

Case Study: Reevaluating Leadership Choices

One of our clients runs a global therapy business providing mental health therapy to clients around the world, and she was like so many of us, smitten by something we call shiny object syndrome. Shiny object syndrome applies not only to iPhones, not only to cars, not only to new houses or new vacation spots, but to businesses, and to our clients. Everything she thought was coming next was lit up in lights and every challenge she thought she would avoid was clothed in darkness. Her current business was shielded in darkness. She was about to walk away from that company and came to us to help her structure a finance exit -  that would have been the easy route. But we are not in our business as a democratic activity for getting liked and getting votes we feel called to serve. So, we asked why she was walking away and helped point out where there was light in the darkness. But, that is only half the story for her new venture - a very, very expensive iPhone, if you will, of new business. She only saw the sparkles, the glitter, and we helped her see where the darkness lay in her contemplated future just as it did in her current business.

The sparkles and the darkness are only in our perceptions. We helped her see the upsides of her current business and the downsides of her new proposed business and result. She was able to structure a sale of her therapy business and decided not to start her new one. She now travels the globe consulting for her therapy businesses as a hobby because she made enough from the sale. 

There are always people problems, business is always personal and acknowledging that is the first step. Be willing to be asked, not just willing to ask: What is it that I am missing? Claude Shannon, who got famous in information theory, says that disorder is just missing information. Sometimes all we do is bring the certainty that there is missing information to our clients - and help them see that.

By debunking these leadership myths, we pave the way for a more focused, balanced, and effective approach to leadership. This journey is not just about acquiring knowledge; it's about transforming perspectives and practices to create a more interconnected and meaningful leadership experience. Watch our full podcast interview here.

Quotes to Inspire:

"The challenges we face help to define who we are and shape us." - Amit Ramlall

"Business is always personal, and acknowledging that is the first step." - Dr. Kumar Ramlall

"The sparkles and the darkness are only in our perceptions." - Dr. Kumar Ramlall

With Gratitude,

Amit and Kumar

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